Red Sauce

On Both Coasts, Eyebrows Are In

“For women who overpluck, this season will be about growing your eyebrows back so that they have a natural arch that extends out and ends in a beautiful point,” said Pat McGrath, a makeup artist for Max Factor and CoverGirl and the creative director for Procter & Gamble Beauty.

I know a lot about a few things. But never that impressive to anyone. Want to know how they kill ducks for foie gras? I am your woman.
Want to know what kind of shape to put your brows in this fall? I have no idea. But I thought that Pat’s genius above might help us all out. Now, when I’ve been a bit lax in the tweezing department, I will decide I am just giving into fashion--the kind of slave I am to it, it makes sense. I should just throw my tweezers away as the Times headline tells me to. It’s fuzzy brow time, ladies! Wasn’t it that last year, too?
Ms. McGrath really takes her brow knowledge seriously. I like that she can say with no irony—“this season will be about growing your eyebrows back.”
She makes me think I am welcoming an old friend back, like school in September. My eyebrows come with complications just like some friends do. Taking eyebrows as well as unruly friends seriously is an intense and dedicated endeavor. I applaud the likes of McGrath. How do you do it?

An IM About a Baboon and Duane Reade

Latwonda: my friend who just moved to Kenya is IMing me. She is looking out her window and she can see a baboon on her porch carrying a duane reade bag she threw out yesterday.
Me: that is the best thing ever.
Latwonda: she is refusing to go outside and see what he has in it
Me: that's crazy
Latwonda: or to sing to him -- everything you need ... duane reade!

It's All About Sex, Baby

My friend, neighbor and all around Wonder Woman Judy McGuire is reading tomorrow night. She is part of the In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series True Sex Confessions Night at 8pm at Happy Ending Lounge, 302 Broome St.
Along with the amazingly funny, talented and wise Judy, Rachel Kramer Bussel (Lusty Lady), Jessica Cutler, Miriam Datskovsky, Dan Allen, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Audacia Ray and Felicia Sullivan will be reading. Judy says there will be free snacks (I hear there will be cupcakes!) and “pretty girls reading dirty things (along with a couple dudes).”

Sausage Sandwiches and Spring Fever

Springtime in the city is a bitch.
It's fraught with conflict for me.
As I contemplate whether to bask in the glory of sunshine, warm weather and the buzz of things blooming, people warming, I am also assaulted by frightening outfits coming out of everyone’s summer closets as well as the inevitable letdown of that initial buzz of optimism.
So to the dumbass who ran over my Shaneequa making me look at all the sad people on the subway trying not to make eye contact and then when they do looking at you with a desperation that can break even the coldest of hearts and to the dumbass Italian restaurants that make shitty cavatelli and gnocchi and pass themselves off as the neighborhood real thing and to Chrissie Hynde for appearing on a morning television show singing her old songs (she did sound fab) and to the boss from hell who makes me want to push in his eyeballs and to the people who swarm through Central Park on the weekends and crowd up the bike lane with their slow walking, fanny-pack wearing cheeriness and to the roller bladders in the same park who “blade” side by side blocking the whole roadway and finally to the people who simply do not say thank you and to the New York Times for making their web site look like it’s a college paper a fine, big fat Springtime Fuck You to all of you.
My most enchanting Spring was served in Chicago. I worked midnights thus avoiding most people and I covered the police beat for the City News Bureau.

Whit's Sis-in-Law Calls Her Out

I don't usually point out news stories, links and whatnot. But this one from the UK cannot be ignored.  Apparently, Whitney Houston is now  "a paranoid wreck hopelessly hooked on crack."  Say it ain't so. The Sun says the once lovely Whitney with the vocal chords of steel now "smokes crack, uses sex toys to satisfy herself and ignores personal hygiene."

Autistic Basketball Star Makes Bush Weep

Many things in the news today are bothering me. This is horrifying and this piece of news has elicited some deep thoughts for today: Donuts, bacon, cheese and beef should not be eaten simultaneously!

I know burgers. This burger pictured is a Donovan's burger. And I don’t want to hear that you make the best burger or that there is some burger in some dive in Sunset Park that makes the best burger in New York City. You are wrong. After eating about 150 burgers in New York City (and I am being modest here) I deserve some burger respect. But more on burgers later.

Eating is in the news today. Ambien can make people sleep eat. Some people have reportedly made themselves a snack of buttered cigarettes. 

Finally, besides the amazing Ruth, I may have a new high fevered career crush on Gael Greene. Or at the least I want to have lunch with her. A long lunch with martinis and some bone marrow.

From Gael: "Obviously, the same senses transmit the pleasure of both food and sex: the taste buds, the mouth that registers texture, the eyes, the nose that responds to the scent of apple pie or sun on skin, the ears that hear crunch and kisses and moans."